[selo-trekkino]

Не удержалась, потырила)))
Смеялась, как припадочная
Спасибо доброму человеку))



Kirk: Bones-y?
McCoy: ...
Kirk: Boonneeessss~
McCoy: ...
Kirk: Bones-y, Bones, Bones-Bones-Bones-BONES!
McCoy [sigh]: WHAT, Jim??
Kirk: I'm BORED!
McCoy [raises eyebrow]: ...
Kirk: You're no fun, where's Spock?
***
" I only drink occasionally, but with a friend like Jim, occasions come regularly"
Leonard “Bones” McCoy (probably)
***
"After we rescue Jim, I’m going to kill him"
Leonard “Bones” McCoy (probably)
***
Kirk: I know you want to keep me safe, but the only way to do that is to wrap me in bubble wrap and hide me in a cave.

McCoy: Believe me, I’ve considered it.
***
Uhura: Are you feeling alright, Leonard?

McCoy: I’m fine, except for this one headache that comes and goes

Kirk: Enters room

McCoy: There it is again
***
“Kick ass, go to space, represent the human race”
-James T. Kirk [probably]
***
Kirk: Are you suggesting that I occasionally stray away from the rule book?

Pike: No, I’m suggesting that you do not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do, you have certainly never opened it
***
Kirk: Bones says that I only have a few hours to live
Bridge crew: Shouts of shock/denial/concern
Spock: You are ill?
Kirk: What? No, I just really... upset... him...
McCoy [in the distance]: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
***
McCoy [walks on to the Bridge]: I'm the captain now
Kirk: That's not how that works
Kirk: You can't just walk on to the Bridge and say you're the captain trust me I've tried
McCoy: I didn't say it
McCoy:
McCoy: I declared it
***
Spock: You are making me claustrophobic
Kirk: What does claustrophobic mean?
McCoy [straight-faced]: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus
Spock: No, it does not
McCoy: Ho ho ho-
Kirk: Stop it, Bones! You're scaring him!
***
[Kirk and McCoy texting]
Kirk: Hi
McCoy: What
Kirk: I can't sleep
McCoy: I can. Goodnight
***
McCoy: If it's a concussion, you have to keep him conscious, okay? Ask him questions.
Spock [to Kirk]: What is seven times seven?
McCoy: Stuff he knows
***
McCoy: Look in the mirror. I see a strong, brave, confident man, who has made his father proud.
Kirk [smiles]: Bonesy-
McCoy: Oh look, you're here too laughs
***
Kirk [wailing dramatically]: Boonnneess, my head hurts
McCoy: That's just your brain trying to comprehend it's own stupidity
McCoy: But just to be sure stabs Jim with a hypospray anyway
***
Kirk: So, what do you say, Chekov? Can we be your X-men?
Chekov: Technically, the "X" in "X-men" stands for Charles Xavier. Zince I am Pavel Chekov, you would be my C-men
Bridge crew: ...
***
Uhura: So, how did you guys get in that hover car accident?
McCoy: Well, we were driving, and there was a deer in the road that Jimmy-here didn't notice. So I said "Jim, deer!"
Kirk: ...
McCoy: And do you want to tell Nyota what your response was?
Kirk: ...
Kirk: sighs
Kirk: "Yes, honey?"
***
[McCoy walks onto the bridge to stand next to Kirk, practically vibrating with happiness]
McCoy [excited]: Guess what, Jim!
Kirk [also getting excited]: What?
McCoy [smirks, and jabs Kirk with a hidden hypospray]: You don't have to report to medbay after shift for that vaccination anymore
***
Kirk: We need a code word. Something that says "Run! A giant monster is chasing us!"
McCoy: How about "AHHHHHH!" ?
Bridge Crew: ...
McCoy [defensive]: What? If the sight of a giant monster running towards you isn't enough to motivate you into running away... well, then that's just a little thing I like to call natural selection
***
Hostile alien: You are the human called Leonard McCoy. You are the Enterprise's Chief Medical Officer.
McCoy: Nah, my name's Mary Poppins, and I'm the Enterprise's chief babysitter.
***
Joanna McCoy: So tell me, when exactly will I be allowed to hang out with boys?
McCoy [scowling]: When I'm dead. Plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.
***
[Kirk knocks on the door to McCoy's quarters]
McCoy: Hey
Kirk: Hey. You got a minute?
McCoy: Yeah, come on in. What's up?
Kirk: I need you to apologize to Spo-
McCoy: Get out
***
To James T. Kirk,

May I remind you that “We came, we saw, we blew **** up” is not an appropriate Captain’s Log from Starfleet’s flagship.

Spock
Second in Command and Chief Science Officer of the USS Enterprise, NCC-1701
***
"I have some paperwork to catch up on. If I’m not back in two days, organize a search and rescue team"
Jim Kirk (probably)
***
Kirk: Bones, I need your advice on something
McCoy: I'm not great at the advice thing...
McCoy: Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
***
[Kirk and McCoy eating lunch in the cafeteria]
Kirk [noticing McCoy's disapproving look towards his meal]: No. I know that look, Bones. You are NOT going to force me into one of your gross diets.
McCoy [shoving a forkful of salad into his mouth]: Did I say anything?
Kirk: That innocent crap isn't going to work on me, Bones. Not THIS time. Stay away from my eating habits, McCoy! That's an order from your captain!
McCoy [raised eyebrow]: What makes you think I give a damn about your orders? Last time I checked, I'M CMO of this tin can. That means if I think the food you're eating will negatively affect your health and make you sick, which would prevent you from preforming your duties as captain, I can order you to eat whatever I damn well please.
***
McCoy [over the com.]: Jim. Report to medbay for your quarterly physical
Kirk [rolling eyes]: Yes Bones, don't have a cow
McCoy: What. Did. You. Say.
Kirk [nervous]: I said "yes Bones, I'm coming down now"
***
Kirk: Bones? How did you find me?
McCoy: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered "now who could that be?"
***
[Kirk wakes up in medbay after being injured during an away mission]
Kirk [dazed]: Heeeyyy Booonesss... What're you doin' here?
McCoy [rolling eyes]: Oh, you know, hunting elephants.
***:
Spock: It is against Starfleet regulations to ingest alcoholic beverages while on duty, Doctor
McCoy: Oh, this isn't alcohol, it's a magic potion that makes me like you
***
[During a command meeting]
McCoy [walking in]: Sorry I'm late
Kirk: What happened?
McCoy: Nothing, I just really didn't want to come
***
McCoy: You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself
Spock: Logic?
Scotty: Sandwiches?
Sulu: Plants?
Chekov: Books?
Uhura: Religion?
Kirk: Me?
McCoy: Alcohol...
***
McCoy [looking over Jim's room]: Why is your room ALWAYS so messy? It's disgusting!
Kirk: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die
***
"If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question"
Leonard “Bones” McCoy (probably)
***
Kirk: Bones-y? I did a bad thing...
McCoy: Does it affect me?
Kirk: No
McCoy: Then suffer in silence
***
[McCoy and Kirk sharing a room at the academy]
Kirk: Bones? At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
McCoy: At the hands of your roommate?
Kirk: ...an accident
McCoy: That's how I'm going to make it look
***
McCoy: JIM! Dammit man, you PROMISED me you would start your diet on Monday! In case you've forgotten, IT'S MONDAY!
Kirk [with mouth full of cake]: I SAID I would start my diet on Monday, I just didn't say WHAT Monday
***
McCoy [struggling] : Come ON Jim! Stop fighting me! You NEED this hypospray. Stop. Being. So. Difficult.
Kirk: NO! I reject your reality and substitute my own!
***
"GOD DAMMIT JIM! THROWING APPLES AT ME IS NOT GOING TO HELP YOU AVOID YOUR QUARTERLY PHYSICAL! "
Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy (probably)
***
" If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable!"
Jim Kirk (probably)
***
Kirk: Uhh, Bones?... Is my arm SUPPOSED to bend that way?
McCoy: Well... It does now
***
Kirk: Why are doctors ALWAYS cranky, sarcastic pessimists who get pleasure out of using medical equipment to threaten the poor unsuspecting heroes?
McCoy [deadpan]: Probably for the same reason why the so called 'heroes' are always doing dumb stunts in their never ending quest to see how many pieces they can be broken into before being put back together by said doctor.
***
Kirk [singing]: It's starting to look a lot like Christmas!
Kirk [tosses cotton balls in Spock's face]: Everywhere you go!
Spock: ...cotton balls, captain?
Kirk: Snow, Mr. Spock. It's snow.
Spock [raises eyebrow]: And my I ask where you managed to procure this much...snow?
McCoy [yelling]: WHEN I FIND THE LOWLIFE SCUMBAG WHO STOLE ALL THE COTTON BALLS OUT OF MEDBAY, I'M GOING TO STAB THEM WITH SO MANY HYPOSPRAYS THAT THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE FOR A WEEK!
Kirk [gulp]: ...
***
McCoy: Calm down Jim, this is a very simple, uncomplicated surgery. You'll be back to finding trouble in no time-
Kirk: Really?
McCoy: -Heck, you have a greater chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.
Kirk: ...
***
Kirk: Hey Spock!
Spock: Captain...
Kirk: My next statement is true. My previous statement is false
Spock [twitches]: ...
McCoy: ...If he's broken, can we NOT get a new one?
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